If I have to pull this car over...

I don't know what it is about me but I am oddly attracted to men with accents. I was so tired last night, I got in around 10:00PM and instead of slipping into my jammies, My instinct was...Turn on the tube to see if something good is on. At this point I am flipping through my cable and cursing myself the whole time...I am getting raped hard core for how many more channels of nothing? I have movie channels too though and for the 4th time this month alone Pricilla Queen of the Desert with Guy Pierce was on. I enjoyed this movie the last time I saw it which was 5 days ago. I started to flip the channel again but it had me at 'g'day' . I told you a sucker for accents. The more I think about it, I think I am oddly fasinated with the fact those men looked better then I did in make up and a wig. Seriously! why is that? I was BORN a woman, I SHOULD look that good!! There are some that I question were born the wrong gender though, like that Partick Swazey, I mean really...I don't know another man that is so graceful and floats across the room like he does. Even when he was hard core in that movie with Keanu "dude" Reeves. I believe the movie that best displayed his talents was that "To:Wang Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar"
Recently I have realized that I am So pissed off about the situation that I have been really out doing myself when I go out... wigs, make-up, clothes. I thought I looked really hot one night until somebody said "that was one ugly man" I was really offended until I saw the guy sitting next to me, who indeed it was one ugly man. Snaggle tooth, wanky eye and all. A friend laughed at me so hard when she saw what I looked like one night, through the hysterical gasps she was able to spit out, "You have Always wanted to be a drag queen, I knew you had those tendencies". Well hell yes I think we as women should strive to be better looking then men, even if that means we as women have to out Drag them!!! I Promise If I AM ELECTED Prestident of the WORLD I will never sell another wig, pantyhose, or make up to another man!!! FOR it will be ONLY women in Drag! So in the end, I don't care how sexy that accent is Guy Pierce, I have way better legs then you!

The Cat's Pajamas

I hate the holidays. I don't know where my great loath for it has come from, I just know its there, and every year it festers. Want I really want to do is wish people a happy Friggin Christmas the nicest possible way I know how, by raising my middle finger. I try to spend this time with the Adams Family(I have a group of friends that is much liken unto the Adams Family) Misery loves company and well...we are the best group to be miserable with. I spent some Thanksgiving time with Shell the Red Headed Stepchild. Seeing that she lives on the edge of the small town i grew up in, there are a lot of stray cats that get dropped off there. She keeps threatening to send me one just to get ride of the population. Again that is a responsibility that i don't know that I can handle. I pass a cactus plant along to the Boyfriend because he could keep it alive better then I could have. I think that is why childeren scare me. I am afraide I will loose them like I loose my keys. I would be wondering around the house screaming things like "I just HAD my kid like 2 seconds ago...now where the hell did i put 'em down"? My friend said I should just take that cat because then I would be forced to take care of it...Uh No. Because even with a cat there is issues. Growing up we had a kitty we named it Dave. Dave didn't say much mostly because it didn't have a Meow. It kind of did, it was more of a "..ow" It sounded more like the raspy smoking voice Ladies who have been smoking for like a million years have. I came home from Jr. High one day to find my mom on the phone, apparently Dave, the cat, was getting "mounted" but another male cat. My mom was flipping out..."Our cat is Gay!! A complete Homosexual" To get to the bottem of this she called my neighboor, who comfirmed the story "I have been watching it go on for weeks now, and I didn't know how to break the news to you" So we as a family sat on the couch wondering where we went wrong raising out kitty to be a homosexual. Apparently, not a single one of us bothered to look to see what GENDER our cat was before we named it!! We would like to think that we really just repected it's privacy. SO to save myself the Horror of that experience again I think I will be getting my plant back.

In the Begining...

I think that it's important to remember when you are going out to eating establishments, that you heckle the highered help. Especially if they have a thick accent. Whilest we were waiting for our drinks, we tried to use what learned know hows and educated a guess as to where Slava was from. Ukraine, Romania, I think I was guessing Estonia. With much of "Meh'ing" and a few "where the hell is a map when you need one" we settled that Slava, our server for the eveing was from somewhere in Russia. At first our expectations of Slava were not good, especially after i spilled my drink and he forgot to bring me a refill. I did give Slava an E for effort, he was taking our order with different colored pens.
I wonder how amazingly orginized my life would be if i wrote things down in different colored ink for various notes I have hanging on my computer. An example of this is...well see this this one right here, this is the number of a guy that my boss needed to call, this reads Important. it was dated two weeks ago. How in hell am i suppose to see that? It's written in the same colored ink as the note right next to it that reads "you need to buy toilet paper" and the one next to that that reads "Futureheads-Really cool band check it out". Now if that number my boss needed was in a very fashion forward green ink, I might be inclined to have said "my that is a great color, and that is an important number the boss must see that" and stick that to HIS computer where I know that it will once again, go ignored. But at least I was orginized!

In the end, we don't know where Slava is from, but he got our order to us. It was tasty and delicious!

I say this all the time... I should have my own list of band, or books or things that people who are total geeks like me should want to listen to or read. The first one is the lyrics to one of the funniest Nerotic girl songs I know.

"I used to have the world in my handbag, How did I manage to blow it?I missed the bus, I lost my heart And an awful lot of mornings. I used to have the stars in my pockets, Now I just watch them on TV. My friends, they've all run awayBut they'll come back again! And we'll have a celebration, Getting back on my medication, We'll have a rainy day parade!" Rainy Day Parade by Jill Sobule