The Cat's Pajamas

I hate the holidays. I don't know where my great loath for it has come from, I just know its there, and every year it festers. Want I really want to do is wish people a happy Friggin Christmas the nicest possible way I know how, by raising my middle finger. I try to spend this time with the Adams Family(I have a group of friends that is much liken unto the Adams Family) Misery loves company and well...we are the best group to be miserable with. I spent some Thanksgiving time with Shell the Red Headed Stepchild. Seeing that she lives on the edge of the small town i grew up in, there are a lot of stray cats that get dropped off there. She keeps threatening to send me one just to get ride of the population. Again that is a responsibility that i don't know that I can handle. I pass a cactus plant along to the Boyfriend because he could keep it alive better then I could have. I think that is why childeren scare me. I am afraide I will loose them like I loose my keys. I would be wondering around the house screaming things like "I just HAD my kid like 2 seconds ago...now where the hell did i put 'em down"? My friend said I should just take that cat because then I would be forced to take care of it...Uh No. Because even with a cat there is issues. Growing up we had a kitty we named it Dave. Dave didn't say much mostly because it didn't have a Meow. It kind of did, it was more of a "..ow" It sounded more like the raspy smoking voice Ladies who have been smoking for like a million years have. I came home from Jr. High one day to find my mom on the phone, apparently Dave, the cat, was getting "mounted" but another male cat. My mom was flipping out..."Our cat is Gay!! A complete Homosexual" To get to the bottem of this she called my neighboor, who comfirmed the story "I have been watching it go on for weeks now, and I didn't know how to break the news to you" So we as a family sat on the couch wondering where we went wrong raising out kitty to be a homosexual. Apparently, not a single one of us bothered to look to see what GENDER our cat was before we named it!! We would like to think that we really just repected it's privacy. SO to save myself the Horror of that experience again I think I will be getting my plant back.